Too Gay to Function
by FunkyWashingMachine
Summary: Keith is worried he's breaking Acxa's heart


He had never spoken with her for this long before.

It was strange, and yet there was something about it that didn't feel strange at all.

He liked her a lot faster than he had liked most other people. Then again, there weren't a lot of them who had reached that level.

Acxa held a large insect on a skewer over the fire.

She didn't smile often, but there was a moment when she smiled at HIM.

She must have been the same way about being slow to like people.

Funny that she would be smiling at HIM.

The cooked insect had a putrid smell. Nobody was particularly excited about it.

She offered it to him first.

His hand brushed hers and she waited a little too long to pull it back.

He felt that she was watching him.

All of this was so weird.

 _Wait,_ Keith thought. _What was it that general said about us being in love? Holy shit, is Acxa in love with me? I thought that was just a joke… but I guess it would explain… some stuff. Like how she still hasn't killed me because she was too nice. Fuck, I thought there were just some people who don't like killing people! That's not THAT weird! IS it that weird?_

He ripped a chunk off the insect and handed the rest to Pidge.

 _Fuck man, Acxa's nice but it's REALLY not gonna happen. But I really don't want to hurt her feelings, I suck enough at people already, I don't know how to REJECT somebody in a nice way. Fuck, I hate disappointing nice people._

The insect piece was oozing yellow. It stuck between his fingers. Not a bad distraction.

 _Why would she even like me? We've met, like, twice, and she's probably helped me a LOT more than I've helped HER._

Maybe he should have taken a claw and not the head. Pidge seemed to be having an easier time with hers.

 _Do they even notice? Is this just me? Fuck, I need some help over here but I can't just ASK them! My god, am I about to break somebody's heart? What the fuck am I supposed to DO?_

"You all right there, Keith?" Lance said. "You look nervous."

"Uh, yeah," Keith said. "You know. Bug."

"Yeah," Pidge held up the insect claw. "Bug."

"Well I'm doing my best, you know," Acxa said.

Keith wished he'd just kept quiet.

"I didn't mean it like that," he said quickly.

Krolia was feeding a piece of the insect to the wolf. He caught her eye for a moment.

It wasn't something he usually saw.

 _Wait. Does my MOM think we should be dating? Is that why she's looking at me like that? Is that why she's so friendly with ACXA?_

The guts of the bug started dripping down his hand.

 _Shit, I never told Mom I was gay. God, what if she doesn't want to hear that? Do people in space still hate gay shit? Oh no, she's gonna be disappointed about not having grandkids, isn't she? I can't even handle my OWN life, I can't be someone's dad! Even if I WASN'T gay!_

"Here, you look like you need this," Pidge handed him a torn-up cloth.

"I'm not ready to be a dad," he muttered under his breath.

 _My fucking god, I'm never going to be nice to ANYBODY anymore! Not if THIS is what happens when you do! God dammit, why can't she like LANCE? He would be all over this kind of shit. Lance would probably even be an awesome dad. He probably like… ENJOYS being around children and stuff. But I'd still be disappointing my mom either way! I hope she's not heart-set on grandkids because I REALLY don't think that's a good idea. Jeez, what would even HAPPEN if I had kids? I don't look all that Galra but maybe that's just some weird genetic thing going on? Not like it really matters but now I'm wondering._

 _ACXA WOULD PROBABLY NOT EVEN BE A GOOD MOTHER WHAT THE FUCK AM I THINKING? My god, it's gotta be really scary to like, accidentally have kids just because you're straight. HOLY FUCK DOES SHE WANT TO START A FAMILY WITH ME? There are SO many reasons I can't do that. Guess I'm just a big fucking disappointment all over again, sorry Acxa, sorry Mom._

It would be wrong to let this get out of hand. Or, more out of hand than it already WAS, since Acxa was apparently already planning them a fairy-tale wedding and picking out the new curtains and deciding what color to paint the baby's room JESUS FUCKING CHRIST he had to tell her.

It was so much easier just to throw swords with somebody, at least THEN there was an obviously right or wrong way to do it.

He needed to get his mind off it for a bit. Figure out how to say it. He took a bite of the insect's head.

She put her hand on his shoulder as he began to cough on it.

 _Oh no. She definitely likes me._

"Weren't you listening?" she said. "You have to peel off the exoskeleton first."

"I can't. I like men."

"Good for you. I'll do it this time, but you should probably learn how someday."

It took him a moment to see the rest of the group looking at him.

Pidge was the one to break the silence.

"I guess it's true what they say about 'too gay to function.'"


End file.
